Apologetic Alien: Mike Brown Escapes Our Vengeance
This is Wehttam. I am attempting to communicate with Nainotulpian expeditionary ship Ylferif currently orbiting the third planet that is orbiting Nuseht. I’ve tapped a local inhabitant of this planet in an attempt to ascertain how I might be able to communicate with the ship and my superior officers and to attain a bit more information about this planet since it appears that I may now be here longer than was initially planned. The “intelligent” life forms of this planet, known to them as Earth, call themselves “humans”, which seems to be a derivative of their scientific language, “Latin”, for the homo erectus species. I learned one of the many languages that exist, here on Earth, known as American English, by telepathically scanning his brain for communication systems. Apparently, this culture is still very dependent on audible expression, except in the case of their VERY primitive computational devices, which seem to be named after a fruit that grows on trees, for whatever reason.
I am attempting to contact you via, what Earth Human Matt (the Earth Human whose brain I have been scanning) calls, “e-mail” and is a part of the interwebs. These interwebs seem to be nodes of information that are accessed on their computational devices. It seems to me that we had a similar sort of comm system, at one point, but we evolved past that over 4 years ago! I am hoping the ships biocomp can still decipher these communicae. I am still not 100% confident that I am using it properly, as I was unsure how to navigate between nodes that Earth Human Matt differentiates as “Sites”, “Blogs”, “Connectors” and “Entertainment”. This Earth Human believes that all of these nodes are appropriate means of communication. I feel amends are in order for my failure, so I’ve attached what Earth Human Matt calls a “MEME”, or a means of faster communication utilizing few words and a picture to communicate the sentiment. See above…
My mission to destroy the Earth on December 21st, 2012 has been unsuccessful. Just as planned, I was teleported to the surface of this planet only three Earth days ago and easily ascertained the info about explosives on this planet. In an attempt to make a connection with their computation devices, I blew out my comm chip. This is why I am attempting to reach you via e-mail. Our vengeance against the one they call Mike Brown will have to wait until further advisement. I would hope that I could be teleported back to the ship for repairs to my comm chip before continuing with this mission.
Interesting aside; many of the Earth Humans already thought the world would end yesterday, due to the teachings of ancient civilizations of Earth Human’s that once thrived here, known as the Earth Human Mayan Sumerians. It would seem that many current Earth Humans assign significance to these various religions based on the teachings of prior generations. The significance of December 21, 2012 was due to the fact that this was the day predicted to be “The Final Day” by two (possibly more) of these civilizations. One would assume that “intelligent” life forms would discount the musings of cultures that claimed to know the beginning and end of the Earth but couldn’t seem to figure out how to not die off completely, rather than blindly believing them.
I will await your response and continue to learn about this culture and their very strange ways. Perhaps I can access some of the nodes of the interwebs to find out more about how to properly destroy this planet! I will contact you again in a couple of Nainotulpian days. It seems that they have a tradition here that’s coming up very soon that Matt refers to as “Christmas” which celebrates the birth of a man, named Christ, between 8 and 9 years ago. This man was insane and his birthday is celebrated by many people here, even those that believe he didn’t exist. This Christ was, apparently, a great glutton that hated trees, considering how the holiday is celebrated. Perhaps I will take a few notes. I will continue to communicate via Earth Human Matt’s e-mail until I decide whether or not I should setup my own nodes for this purpose. From the little research I’ve done thus far, I’m enjoying this Twitter node…
Posted on December 22, 2012, in Apologetic Alien, Doomsday2012, Memes, Space and tagged albany, alloy matt, apologetic alien, blogger, corvallis, doomsday, earth destruction, geek, lebanon, matt jacobs, mayan, meme, nainotulpian, nerd, nerdography, oregon, prophecy, sumerian, wehttam. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.